Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Grammy Red Carpet Redux

Just as we did NOT watch the SAG awards, we...didn't watch the Grammy's either. What can we say, we're swinging, crazy, stay at home moms who had been trapped with our iced-in families for several days by the time this show came on. We were more concerned with not killing a loved one than snarking on celebrity fashion.

Fortunately, spouses went to work and kids to school, and our longing to make fun of others returned, much like the sun returning to the frozen tundra...or something. And so without further ado, the Grammy fashion commentary:

Stacey: And the award for most pretentious pouting and squinting goes to...these people!! (Whoever they are. I don't know anyone in music. Except the puppets on Yo Gabba Gabba and the cast of Jack's Big Music Show.)

Julie: I don't know who these people are either, but you're right. Their squinting and pouting is super-impressive. Do you think they practiced in a mirror together?

Stacey: I can see her Saturn panties. This woman is from Saturn right? (Or a nearby strip club, perhaps? The shoes make me suspicious...)

Julie: That's not a woman, that's a lady. Lady Gaga. I think she's actually from Mars, but she may have a vacation home on Saturn.

Stacey: Somewhere, a synthetic chinchilla is weeping because it now is bald. (Probably many synthetic chinchillas, actually. That's some major fuzz.)

Julie: Wow. That is just . . . scary.

Stacey: He's like a vampire Kentucky Fried Chicken guy! Awesome. (But I wouldn't eat anything he had touched or...that he'd even looked at too closely. He has an ickiness to him for some reason.)

Julie: The Colonel Sanders you don't want to meet in a dark alleyway. Because he'd drink your blood then fry you up with some biscuits and mashed potatoes.

Stacey: She looks like a curvy loveseat. Not digging the upholstered look.

Julie: It's true. That material is vaguely upholstery-ish. Well, maybe not exactly "vaguely." More like "completely and totally." But I'm just bitterly jealous of her cleavage.

Stacey: Me too. Who knew having children would make the girls smaller. Not me. Big fun post-birth and breast-feeding surprise there.

Stacey: I don't have much to say about this woman, but I'm kind of liking her bangs. Should I get bangs? (Or would I look too much like your evil twin then, Julie?)

Julie: "This woman?" That's Katy Perry. I-kissed-a-girl-and-I-liked-it Katy Perry? Your inability to identify famous people is both funny and shame-inspiring. I probably need to get a life.

Actually, I've always wanted an evil twin. That would be awesome. Then if I'm caught doing anything bad I can just say "Oh, no that wasn't me. . . it must have been my evil twin. Stacey."

Stacey: I'm sorry. I used to know the famous. Parade some kid TV stars in front of me and I could name them all. I picked out Steve from Blue's Clues on a totally unrelated show the other day even though he is now bald.

And cool on the evil twin stuff! I'm okay with being blamed for your badness. I think that will help me earn back some street cred. (Because I'm all about street cred.)

Stacey: French Maid meets Pillow Shoulder Space Girl...is this a look? Am I behind the times again?

Julie: Duh, it's in case she gets sleepy and wants to take a nap during the show.

Stacey: *Thunks head* Totally. I should have caught on to that right away.

See you soon!

Julie and Stacey

1 comment:

  1. What do you mean Steve from Blue's Clues is now bald??!! How can this be?? It seems like just yesterday that he put on his backpack and left for college. Which made me cry. Because back then he was pretty much the only adult I interacted with on a daily basis. And he just left me! After all we'd been through together!

    I hepled him find out what Blue wanted for her birthday, skidoo-ed to the farm and to see the felt friends--I even stuck with him when it looked like the Big Musical was going to be a disaster. And he just walked away and left me with Joe who--I'm sorry--was NOT the same. In fact, never mind. I'm glad he's bald. I hope his head is really, really cold.