Thursday, February 11, 2010

You say it's your birthday . . .

Today is the 11th day of February, 2010 which means...TAYLOR LAUTNER IS 18!!!!

(And also that Stacey and I are old creepy stalker women, but thankfully the government can't prosecute you for crimes committed in your mind.)

To celebrate this event, here are some Taylor pics (which hopefully aren't copyrighted and won't get us thrown in jail). It's so weird . . . I looked and looked, but I couldn't find a single photo of him wearing a shirt...

Stacey: LOL!! A truly awesome tribute to the talented Taylor. Happy Birthday, little Lautner. We're taking up a collection to buy you a shirt that will stay closed...but we plan on burning it in tribute to your abs.

Werewolves without third nipples forever! (Because vampire dude totally looks like he has a third nipple in "New Moon"...I'm just saying...)

Stacey and Julie

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Grammy Red Carpet Redux

Just as we did NOT watch the SAG awards, we...didn't watch the Grammy's either. What can we say, we're swinging, crazy, stay at home moms who had been trapped with our iced-in families for several days by the time this show came on. We were more concerned with not killing a loved one than snarking on celebrity fashion.

Fortunately, spouses went to work and kids to school, and our longing to make fun of others returned, much like the sun returning to the frozen tundra...or something. And so without further ado, the Grammy fashion commentary:

Stacey: And the award for most pretentious pouting and squinting goes to...these people!! (Whoever they are. I don't know anyone in music. Except the puppets on Yo Gabba Gabba and the cast of Jack's Big Music Show.)

Julie: I don't know who these people are either, but you're right. Their squinting and pouting is super-impressive. Do you think they practiced in a mirror together?

Stacey: I can see her Saturn panties. This woman is from Saturn right? (Or a nearby strip club, perhaps? The shoes make me suspicious...)

Julie: That's not a woman, that's a lady. Lady Gaga. I think she's actually from Mars, but she may have a vacation home on Saturn.

Stacey: Somewhere, a synthetic chinchilla is weeping because it now is bald. (Probably many synthetic chinchillas, actually. That's some major fuzz.)

Julie: Wow. That is just . . . scary.

Stacey: He's like a vampire Kentucky Fried Chicken guy! Awesome. (But I wouldn't eat anything he had touched or...that he'd even looked at too closely. He has an ickiness to him for some reason.)

Julie: The Colonel Sanders you don't want to meet in a dark alleyway. Because he'd drink your blood then fry you up with some biscuits and mashed potatoes.

Stacey: She looks like a curvy loveseat. Not digging the upholstered look.

Julie: It's true. That material is vaguely upholstery-ish. Well, maybe not exactly "vaguely." More like "completely and totally." But I'm just bitterly jealous of her cleavage.

Stacey: Me too. Who knew having children would make the girls smaller. Not me. Big fun post-birth and breast-feeding surprise there.

Stacey: I don't have much to say about this woman, but I'm kind of liking her bangs. Should I get bangs? (Or would I look too much like your evil twin then, Julie?)

Julie: "This woman?" That's Katy Perry. I-kissed-a-girl-and-I-liked-it Katy Perry? Your inability to identify famous people is both funny and shame-inspiring. I probably need to get a life.

Actually, I've always wanted an evil twin. That would be awesome. Then if I'm caught doing anything bad I can just say "Oh, no that wasn't me. . . it must have been my evil twin. Stacey."

Stacey: I'm sorry. I used to know the famous. Parade some kid TV stars in front of me and I could name them all. I picked out Steve from Blue's Clues on a totally unrelated show the other day even though he is now bald.

And cool on the evil twin stuff! I'm okay with being blamed for your badness. I think that will help me earn back some street cred. (Because I'm all about street cred.)

Stacey: French Maid meets Pillow Shoulder Space this a look? Am I behind the times again?

Julie: Duh, it's in case she gets sleepy and wants to take a nap during the show.

Stacey: *Thunks head* Totally. I should have caught on to that right away.

See you soon!

Julie and Stacey