This Little Piggy Went to Prada

I wish I could take credit for the post title, but alas--that bit of cleverness is actually the name of a book by Amy Allen and Eun-kyung Kang. They've taken old-fashioned nursery rhymes and revamped them into a hilarious book with cool illustrations.

Which has nothing to do with anything except that a) I have to go to a baby shower on Thursday so I have cute baby gifts on the brain and b) it kind of, sort of, (not really) ties in with a subject Stacey and I have been talking about recently--"Baby Style."

Baby Style is simply the way you dress your baby/toddler/kid. Back in the olden days, there was no such thing. Cavemen kids wore animal skins; pioneer children dressed in burlap; 1970s and 80's kids were held hostage by maniacal cartoon animals known as Garanimals. This was not parental negligence, just a lack of options.

*Stacey breaking in here to say I have no idea what Garanimals are. I am so young and nubile and do not remember the 70's or early 80's *bats young and nubile eyelashes*

Now that's all changed. Today's babies/toddlers have as many fashion choices as adults. More, if you count accessories like pacifiers,



burp cloths (zebra stripe or cammo pattern?) disposable diapers (Elmo print or Mickey Mouse?), etc.

Of course, the poor hapless babies don't actually get to decide these things since they generally lack both credit cards and the ability to operate a motor vehicle. It's the Mommies (and sometimes Daddies), who buy this stuff. So "Baby Style" is really "Mommy Style." And that's where things can get tricky. Because Mom's don't necessarily dress their kids the way you would expect. But then again, sometimes they do. It's a very inexact science.

And now for our sparkling commentary . . .

Stacey: This is kind of cute, but a little rastah soccer bum.

Julie: It's the cap. The rest of it's cute, though. Of course, Gwen Stefani could dress her kids in plastic bags sewn together with hair and it would probably somehow look cool.

Julie: I'm pretty sure this qualifies as child abuse in some parts of the world.

Stacey: I think most Arkansan men would consider that outfit grounds to pull out a gun and shoot something.

Stacey: This might make me pull out a gun and shoot something. There's no need to go Bubba at such a tender age.

Julie: Hey! That's my nephew! Lucky for you my family doesn't love me--er, I mean, are too busy to read my blogs. Because I'm pretty sure he could kick your *&$, even though he's two. :)

Stacey: Oops...heh heh....um...prank call!!!

Stacey: My eyeeeesss! The yellow, it blinds us!!!

Julie: Ha, ha, ha--this is cracking me up. I chose this pic because it reminds me of how I used to dress A when she was that age. Especially the bow. LOVE bows. The bigger, the better. I still make her wear them. (A being my 10 yr old daughter who I can't post photos of due to hyper-paranoia and too many episodes of Forensic Files/ColdCase Files/American Justice)

Stacey: I'm never doing commentary first. Ever. Again. I have footinmouthitis.

Stacey: If you want to get that prison-fabulous thing going early.

Julie: Does it come with a miniature guitar? Because that would be cool.



Stacey: Omg. Really. Skull and crossbones for baby? Isn't this a little goth-tastic? (Okay, so I'm lying. I LOVE this and would totally dress my baby in it if he were a girl. Look at the preshush little bow on her skull head!!)

Julie: I love this too! Of course, I would have to pair it with a matching skull hair bow.

Stacey: LOL!

Stacey: And I like this too. Monkey from Wizard of Oz! Brilliant....Um...and somewhere along the way I think I got distracted from the point. But then, I am the woman who spent Easter dressing her baby up as a chicken:



Stacey: I had the chicken outfit and it was too rainy to hunt eggs outside and...yeah...I think I may have a problem...

Julie: OMG, you didn't.

Except you totally did. Although he does look adorable . . . do we even want to know why you just happened to have a chicken outfit laying around your house? LOVE the flying monkey.

Until next time!

xo

Stacey and Julie

Fashion Horrors: The Mankini

WARNING: The following blog entry is not suitable for anyone and should not be viewed if you value your eyesite and whatever you ate for your last meal.



Stacey: Borat may or may not have started this fashion trend. Regardless, it has to stop. Before anymore innocent spandex is victimized or the eyes and souls of unsuspecting young women scarred forever.

Julie: I agree 100%. There is evil in our midst, people. And its name is [cue dramatic music] MANKINI.

Stacey: Cute women do NOT make this cool

Julie: She's touching him, she's touching him!! Her hand is right on his chest. I just threw up

a little in my mouth.



Stacey: Mankini-ing for a cause does not make this cool. (This guy did it for the polar bear plunge in New Zealand, in order to raise money for the special olympics. It's still not cool! No one-special or otherwise-wants to be linked to this mankini-strosity.)

Julie: Okay. Well, this answers my question about whether it looks better on guys with less body hair. Absolutely freaking not. I do appreciate his effort with the matching headband, though.

Stacey: Accessories are important.



Stacey: It is not appropriate for rugby games and is not a good way to show off your tattoos.

Julie: I'm scared if I comment, this guy will hunt me down and kill me.



Stacey: It doesn't add that certain something to your marathon wear.

Julie: Oh, man. I feel sorry for whoever had to run behind HIM.



Stacey: The beer is blushing, but there is nowhere to hide its shame. There is nowhere to hide from the mankini!! (Camping? Really? This guy thought Mankini was good camping attire?)

Julie: I like that he accesorized his mankini with what appears to be my grandmother's gold choker necklace. Although I can't get a very close look on this monitor . . . he could have also stolen it from an Egyptian mummy. Or a pimp.

Camping attire--perhaps he thought this would be a good way to keep wild animals away from his campsite?

Stacey: If I were a wild animal I would be scared.



Stacey: This may be the only suitable way to model the kini of manliness, but my eyes are still bleeding a little bit. How about you Julie?

Julie: Yeah . . . even with the clothing I still feel like I just lost a little piece of my soul I'll never get back.

Julie: So far this is the only instance of mankini that doesn't make me want to throw acid in my eyes. It's pretty hilarious, actually. Although technically I guess it's Jenny McCarthy's bikini , not a "real" mankini.

DISCLAIMER: Do not try this at home unless you are--well,Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey is the ONLY person who can get away with this.

Stacey: Amen. (Though my hubs looks pretty cute in my underwear...just kidding! Heh!)

Until next time!

Julie and Stacey

Interview with author Kate Perry!

ZIT is excited to welcome Kate Perry for our very first author interview! In addition to being a kick-butt author, Kate is a 7th degree black belt in Kung Fu, which means she kicks butt literally too. She's also a crack mechanic who, when your car tire blows out on the interstate leaving Dallas, jumps out and immediately starts wielding a tire iron and doing complicated stuff with tools instead of calling your husband and crying pitifully until he figures out how to get somebody to help you, even though he's five hours away (my plan). Additionally, Kate exudes a strange mix of pheremones that causes random men to ask her out (I'm totally not making this up) roughly ten times a day. Maybe more.

But enough of Kate's personal life--we're here to talk about her books! Namely, Marked by Passion, the first book in her awesome Guardians of Destiny series. Check out the (yummy)cover and blurb below.

Rules for the (Very) Reluctant Guardian of the Scroll

One: Don't lose the artifact you've inherited from your ancestors—no matter how much it starts messing up your life.

Two: Do learn how to control its powers. (And, yes, that means putting up with uber-complicated Guardian lessons from your father's meddling ghost.)

Three: Don't trust anyone. Especially Rhys, the mysterious bad boy who's always one step ahead of you... and irresistible as sin.

Four: Do anything to keep the scroll from landing in the wrong hands—and destroying the world. Even if that brings on a heartbreaking betrayal, an evil you never saw coming, and a choice you may not live to regret.

And now we ask Kate the hard-hitting questions (watch out Barbara Walters)

ZIT: Have you always wanted to be a writer?
KP: No, I always wanted to be a gypsy. I was going to have my own cute little purple and red wagon with a bull named Philippe pulling it. But when I realized there'd be no plumbing, I thought I might prefer to be an ambassador to a foreign country. Get paid to schmooze and party in fancy clothes? Heck yeah. But now I get paid to hang out in cafés in my pajamas, which is almost just as cool.

ZIT: Is it true that you can kill a man with your pinkie finger?
KP: Yeah, but it's much more satisfying to use a skyscraper heel.

ZIT:Are you familiar with the recent zombie vs. unicorn debate? If so, who do you side with--zombies or unicorns?
KP: I try to keep up on current events, so, yeah, I've been tracking the debate. However, personally, I find it difficult to take sides. Can't we all just get along?

But it seems to me that zombies have gotten a bad rep. Just because they have rotting teeth and poor hygiene doesn't make them second class citizens.


ZIT: How many random men have asked you out in the past week?
KP:Was I supposed to keep track?

ZIT:Cupcake or pie?
KP:Both. Please. Unless it's a cream pie. Gag. Fruit pies are the only way to go.

ZIT:All-time best James Bond?
KP:Sean Connery. Duh. Though Daniel Craig is a very close second.

ZIT:Are you and "I-kissed-a-girl" Katy Perry really twins who were separated at birth?
KP:I've wondered if we're sisters too. Did you know we even have the same bra size? I'm not joking. I'm tempted to ask my mom if there was a mix up at the hospital or if I'm adopted. Which would make a lot of sense, actually, considering how different I am from my "family."

Click here to learn more about Kate and here to read an exercept of Marked!

See you next week! xo

Julie and Stacey

Working the ZIT dress

As promised, this week we're sharing tips on how to look fabulous in your very own ZIT dress!! It's so easy! By following just two simple rules, you can wear your undead fashion for anything from running out to the grocery store to elegant black tie affairs.

Rule Number One: When wearing a ZIT dress it is imperative that you channel your inner zombie.

And what does channeling your inner zombie entail, you ask?Consider this-- When zombies claw their way out of their cozy coffins and stagger around terrorizing innocent townspeople, do they seem at all self-conscious about little things like their decaying flesh, or worm-infested eyes, or putrid aroma?

No way! They OWN their rotting corpses. They're not secretly worrying about whether their disintegrating funeral shroud makes their butt look big while they're sucking somebody's brains out. They're in the moment. And that's what you have to do when wearing a ZIT dress--own it! Don't worry about what the innocent townspeople are saying behind your back.

Rule Number Two: Pretend you are a beauty queen.

Yes, I'm serious.

No, I don't mean run out and slather heorrhoid cream under your eyes and duct tape your boobs together (although if either of those two things sound appealing to you, go for it). I'm talking about projecting a beauty queen's attitude. It's similar to channeling your inner zombie except with less blood and guts and more Aqua Net. Because channeling your inner zombie requires a certain amount of "screw off" attitude, which can be off-putting if not tempered by a little dose of happy-happy sweetness.

That's where your secret beauty queen comes in. Don't try to pretend you don't have one. You do. I promise. So when wearing your ZIT dress, take it out, throw your shoulders back, smile big, and flounce around like Miss America. (A sparkly tiara helps too)Otherwise, you're likely to come off as angry-creepy-goth girl, and that's no fun. Unless, of course, you want to be angry-creepy-goth girl, but that's an entirely different blog subject.

Perfect Example: Miley Cyrus (aka "the bane of my existence because I have a 10 year old daughter") Miley demonstrates a fabulous blend of inner zombie and inner beauty queen in this frothy violet concoction.

So, don't wait for Halloween, people! Break out those hacked up gowns now! Hmmn, Stacey, that gives me an idea . . . perhaps we should arrange a ZIT photo contest of some sort??

Oscar Fashion: Zombies in Tiaras Redux

In which Julie and Stacey weigh in on the Oscar night fashion:

SJ: From the "they might be zombies" files...

JL: And can you believe that she dates Ralph Fiennes? Clearly he prefers his women to have that "just risen from the dead" look.

SJ: Or maybe he's pigment blind. Like color blind but...pigmenty...



SJ: They might be zombies, Part Deux! Attack of the Beige!

JL: Anyone who dates Marilyn Manson qualifies as a zombie, no matter what they're wearing.

SJ: Look at you! So up on the gossip. I don't even know who I'm dating half the time. (Wait! I'm married. Heh.)



SJ: Beautiful dress, beautiful girl, totally tiara-worthy, but she still creeps me out a little. I get that "I'd like to suck your blood" vibe. Maybe it's all the red...

JL: I agree. Definitely a blood sucking vibe. It's her eyes.



SJ: Poor thing, she was clearly attacked by zombies pre-red carpet. It seems the damage was mostly to her hair, however, and her egglant chiffon number emerged relatively unscathed.

JL: Do you think it was zombies? I was thinking birds.

SJ: You could be right. Looking for a place to nest, but were overwhelmed by toxic Aquanet fumes?



SJ: Jessica Biel attempts to conceal a flesh-eating midget beneath the poof on her dress...or maybe she's just sneaking in some snacks for later. Those award shows can go on forever, I hear.

JL: Sigh. Jessica B. is a perpetual disappointment on the red carpet. Such wasted potential.

SJ: Yep. She coulda been a contender.



SJ: Corpse Flower: The Dress. It blooms amogst the decay.

JL: Mary Hart made the top ten at Miss America in 1970 . . . so I assume once upon a time she knew how to dress.

SJ: Or the seventies were creepy and corpse-flowerish.



SJ: Gothic Princess run Amok avec le dead bird en zee chest. (That's how you learn to speak French when you're raised in Arkansas. For ze real, we have some of the most poorly funded public schools in la nation.)

JL: Do you think she plucked those feathers herself? Or had her evil minions do it?

SJ: Totally minions. I want some minions!



SJ: And I think we have a winner! I can't imagine a more perfect Zombies in Tiaras dress. It's got the floofy, the sparkles, the black netting hacked at strange angles in order to lend it a vaguely menacing air. Love it. I think we should buy knock-offs Jules and wear them...somewhere. I don't really go many swank-worthy places? I mean...maybe Wal-Mart. Occasionally the hubs and I drag the kids to the sushi bar down the street. How about you?

JL: Same here. The mall is about as swanky as I get. BUT luckily, you don't need a special occasion to wear a Zombie in Tiara worthy dress! It's all about the attitude!

More about how to work the Zombie In Tiara dress next week!

Julie and Stacey