Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Sunburns: The fastest way to old age and general hideousness.

As summer is now upon us, ZIT would like to take this opportunity to talk about a very important subject: Hugh Jackman running naked across a field in the new Wolverine--er, I mean sunscreen. May is skin cancer awareness month, so we cruised around the Skin Cancer Foundation website and learned lots of scary facts. For example, did you know--

1) 1 in 5 Americans will develop skin cancer over the course of their life.

2) A person dies of melanoma every 62 minutes.

3) The International Agency for Research on Cancer recently unequivocally linked sunbed tanning among young people to melanoma. As in, people who start going to the tanning beds in their teens/early twenties have a 75 percent higher chance of developing melanoma. (Melanoma is an awful, awful type of skin cancer that can cause death if it isn't caught early.)

4) Up to 90 percent of the visible signs of aging are caused by sun exposure.

5) Less than half of all teenagers wear sunscreen and more and more teens (especially girls) are using tanning beds.

We could go on, (and on and on and on) but let's get real--those kinds of lists generally just make people's eyes glaze over. So we will demonstrate with pictures!

JL: No wonder teens think tanning is cool when people like Kim Kardashian (aka "Raccoon girl") are posting this sort of pic.

SJ: But does anyone really think this girl is cool? Who is she really? I'm still confused. She has a reality show for some reason, right? But...why? Because she's rich? Color me unimpressed, Raccoon girl.

JL: What they don't realize is that THIS is what KK will look like in a few years. (If this pic doesn't make you go out and buy a gallon jug of sunscreen then there's no help for you. At all.)

SJ: Is that even real?! You are frackin' kiddin' me! It's CGI. I can't believe that's real. Gotta be good CGI.

JL: This chick is proof that the whole "everybody looks better with a tan" theory is uh, not true. So not true. I don't know whether to laugh or be scared.

SJ: She almost looks like she's wearing black face. Surely not... Though those boots do show a decided lack of taste.

JL: Is it just me, or does it look like this guy was wearing . . . Mary Janes? (Don't forget to slather up your feet!)

SJ: Lol. He does. (And yes. Feet burns HURT. Ouch. Who knew a baby toe could suffer so?)

JL: For the record, sunburns aren't funny, but . . . well, hahahahahahahahahaha

SJ: Do you think he consented to that? Or slept through it?

JL: This Australian guy actually had to have SURGERY for his sunburn. Seriously? THIS GUY couldn't find one, single girl in all of Australia willing to rub sunblock on his shoulders? I don't know what to say about that.

SJ: That's harsh. Like the sun is harsh. So remember, stay out of the sun or protect yourself from it's evil (yet awesome) rays.

Julie and Stacey

Monday, May 4, 2009

It's Be Kind to Animals Week

In honor of Be Kind to Animals Week, some animals in tiaras:

SJ: I would usually consider this animal cruelty, but the cats seem to dig the tiara action.

JL: I don't even want to know where you found these pictures. Does the cat on the left's tiara resemble a jester hat, or is it just me? This is definitely not animal cruelty. Cats were born to wear tiaras. It's the Egyptians' fault. They had that whole worshiping-them-as-gods thing going on and the feline species never got over it.

SJ: This guy too. Not even bulldogs can fight the power of the sparkling headpiece.

JL: A sparkling, FUZZY headpiece. A cat would never stand for this.

SJ: I swear, this pig is giving the camera a come-hither look. The magic of the tiara strikes again.

JL: "Siren pigs--how swine flu was first transmitted to humans."

SJ: Snarf!!! Lol!!

And let's not forget about those zombie animals!!

SJ: This really really freaks me out. A lot. Like....a whole lot.

JL: Do you have to be nice to animals that look like they might kill you?

SJ: I'm not sure that cat is after brains, but...yeah...I could just have a filthy mind.

JL: Clearly the orange cat is merely removing a piece of fuzz from the black and white cat's fur, that's all. I don't know what you're talking about.

SJ: More snarf!!

SJ: God! Scary zombie sheep. I'm going to have nightmares. I should have put the animals in tiaras last.

JL: I don't think a tiara would help in this case. I'm already having nightmares and I'm awake. What do you think he's whispering in that guy's ear . . .

SJ: "I'm going to shave your head and make a scarf and wear it while I eat your brains!!!" Or something like that...

Until next time!

Stacey and Julie